Doctor Noize

June Noizeletter! Here comes the sun! It’s all right. Here are this month’s Top Five Noizy Thingz…

1) Doctor Noize Guest Hosting On XM Kids Radio!

I’ve been invited to be a Guest Host this summer on XM Kids Radio! I’ll be discussing and playing some of my favorite family music, talking to brilliant and crazy guests, and sharing my love of music and delicious Spam™ sandwiches on national radio. Rumor has it there may be segments of my show that are not entirely serious. Surely this will be the downfall of XM Radio, perhaps even civilization as we know it. (Want proof? True story: I once wrote a song for the long-running network soap Another World, which had been on air for 35 years. My song was played on the show, and just months later… the show was cancelled. That’s power, baby.) My Guest Host funfest this summer will replace my previously announced live concert on XM Kids Radio. So… I am no longer playing a live concert on XM Radio on June 19th — my Doctor Noize Live concert on XM will happen on a later date. You’ll hear about it here first.

2) Doctor Noize Symphony Concerts This Fall!

I can hardly contain my happy-go-goo-goo for this one: Doctor Noize has been hired as the the soloist for two California orchestral concerts in September with the North State Symphony! Doctor Noize (fake Doctor of music) (crazy) and maestro Kyle Pickett (real musical Doctorate) (geek) are joining forces for two family orchestral concerts this fall. Yowza wowza bo bowza banana fana fo fowza! Some of you know that my background actually does support this crazy event — I have a classical music degree from Stanford and taught music history for five years. I’m really excited about the opportunity to link two of my favorite things — kids and the concert hall. (If we could only get Hasselhoff involved, then we could link three of my faves… Pickett, are you listening???) Herr Maestro and I promise these events will be very solemn and absolutely no fun at all, especially the rockin’ tuba solo. Details are forthcoming…

3) The Acoustic Loopfest Is Here!

Venues! I’ve added a new Doctor Noize show program level due to a consistent demand for it: The Acoustic Loopfest! It features vocals galore, acoustic guitar, and saxophone, all loop recorded live with audience interaction into an amplified frenzy of sound. It’s bigger than the Acoustic Mini Concert (voice, kazoo and guitar with no PA), smaller than the full-instrumentation Doctor Noize Live! (which adds electric guitar, percussion, keyboard, the red synth AX, crazy FX and the world-famous Dr. Noize pedalboard), and faster than a speeding bullet (actual superhero results may vary). The Acoustic Loopfest! gives a taste of the loopy uniqueness of a Doctor Noize Live! show without the travel expense of the big show. So all those tour venues who haven’t been able to afford an amplified Dr. Noize show in the past… Now you can. Highly trained monkeys from the Island of Thelonious await your call.

4) Another New Show Poster!

Last month we debuted the first of Christian Lowe’s two new Doctor Noize show posters for venues to use. This month we debut the second poster, the one with me and Hannah Montana totally thrashing Barney in a WWF match. That’s real purple blood, too. Wait, hold on… Apparently we did not get clearance for that poster idea. Oh well, this poster is pretty good too.

5) Noizemakers Of The Month!

Well, it was wonderful wast weekend wocking the wide wild world of Wisconsin. I found fine friends in fantastic family folks. Fabulous! So June’s Noizemakers Of The Month are Taran and Kenna Bock of Sun Prairie, Wisconsin, who are just about the most lovable Dr. Noize fans possible. I think they know more about Dr. Noize than I do. After the show, Taran gave me a big hug, thanked me politely and effusively for all the songs I played… and then wistfully (and accurately) listed every single Doctor Noize song I didn’t play at the show. He asked if I’d play them next time. Taran: Yes! Just remind me which ones they were. Thanks so much for the joy you shared with me, Taran and Kenna — it is a true gift.

Love yer buddy for life,

Doctor Noize

P.S. Ms. Montana could probably take the purple dinosaur on her own without my assistance. I’ve seen her show.
P.P.S. Remove yerself at any time from this list by responding “No Barney death match, no mailing list.”

It’s the May Noizeletter! Hello May Geniuses. Goodbye April Fools… Here are this month’s Top Five Noizy Thingz…

1) Northwest Shows This Weekend!

Doctor Noize rocks Seattle this Friday and Bellingham this Sunday! Come to the shows to see if I’m gonna go grunge for the weekend. Joining me onstage at the Seattle show is Geoff Stanfield, Seattle musician extraordinaire who played in a major label rock band back when he was just a wee lad and now owns Well Recording & Artists in Seattle. Even cooler than that: We went to high school together. Go Eagles, baby! And finally, joining me onstage in Bellingham on Sunday are all four Beatles, reuniting for the first time, with a special guest appearance by Elvis Presley.*

2) Give A Minute To Spread The Word For Fun & Charity!

Calling all Noizemakers! I have a favor to ask… Email all yer Northwest friends and their grandmothers and their dogs and their robot vacuum cleaners and their children and their scatterbrained aunts and their grumpy uncles and tell ‘em to go to this weekend’s Doctor Noize Showz! They’re my first shows in the region, they’re during the Seattle International Children’s Festival, and we wanna make enough of a splash to justify annual trips back. And it’s for a great cause: Both showz are benefits for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. So please take a minute to email yer Northwest friends (Vancouver too) and tell ‘em this is a show they shouldn’t miss. You wouldn’t believe how well grassroots efforts can put a show over the top. It does make a difference, and Oprah will give a free car to everyone who emails their friends in the Northwest.* Thanks for your help!

3) I Apologize…

…that a mega-single was not released this month featuring me, Zac Efron, Murray from The Wiggles, and that lady who looks like Julia Child from Britain’s Got Talent who’s gone global on YouTube. Our agents just couldn’t get the agreements together in time. I take full responsibility for this.

4) New Show Posters!

Illustrious illustrator Christian Lowe has created two colorful new Doctor Noize show posters for venues and fans. Here’s the first design, created for this Friday’s show at the Vera Project in Seattle. Next month we’ll unveil the second poster design. We’ll also post both designs in a “venue generic” format on the website so venues and fans can add their own show-specific text — for example, “July 4th @ Madison Square Garden” or “Every Day On Dave Kim’s Car Stereo.”

5) The Gersons Are Noizemakers Of The Month!

More shows in faraway lands are being initiated and promoted by everyday VIN’s (Very Important Noizemakers) who wanna have some fun and are proactively insane. That’s right, fans from various states and planets are taking it upon themselves to bring the creative wackiness of Doctor Noize shows to their neck of the woods. I think this totally rocks, and I’m truly grateful for both the fantastic support and the opportunity to get to know some of you so well. This month’s Noizemaker Of The Month, Dr. Rachel Gerson, has combined her passions for music, kids, health and charity into two big benefit shows this weekend in Washington state. And unlike some unidentified phonies who write Noizeletters… Dr. Gerson is actually a real doctor! Whatever.

Love yer buddy for life,

Doctor Noize

* P.S. Mr. Presley’s availability is subject to his discretion and cannot be 100% confirmed. Like the Celtics’ Kevin Garnett, the Beatles’ actual involvement at press time is listed as “doubtful” on the injury report. Ditto for Oprah.
P.P.S. Remove yerself at any time from this list by responding “No mega-single, no mailing list.”

A Wee Bit Of Clarification On Yesterday’s Noizeletter…

Dear Everybuddy,

To those who haven’t already figured it out… Happy April Fool’s Day yesterday!

I have just been informed that all the stuff I wrote yesterday in my April 1st Noizeletter is false, that the screen test photo was actually a photo of me and a Troy Bolton cardboard cutout I got at Blockbuster for $4.99 (look closely and you can see the cardboard stand behind him), and the song I recorded is actually not going to be used in High School Musical 4. Sorry about that! My bad. I’m really embarrassed about the whole thing. In fact, I have also learned from several sources that the same thing happened last April 1st, when I claimed I had been selected to join The Wiggles. Again my apologies. I just don’t know how I seem to get these things confused. It all seems so real to me.

The truth is, I am apparently not in High School Musical 4. I was auditioning for the inspirational part of the teenage disabled Asian Varsity Football playing girl from a two-mommy home (they were trying to cover all their remaining target demographics that were missing from HSM 1-3 with the addition of one final character), and through some undisclosed form of thinly veiled discrimination, I didn’t get the part. So that was that.

Many of you wisecrackers who remembered last year’s April 1st Noizeletter called my bluff this year. And, of course, many of you beautiful dreamers didn’t. My special love goes to that solid group of you who have now believed my delusionary stories of grandeur two years in a row on April 1st — you know who you are, and I do too, because a lot of you emailed me your congratulations again this year. Your belief in me is stunning, and you should perhaps see a specialist about it. I hope you still love me; I certainly still love you.

For those with XM Radio… You may have heard me on XM Kids Radio yesterday. XM Kids Program Director, Absolutely Mindy, called me live on her nationally broadcast show yesterday to assist me in perpetrating this little hoax to a nationwide audience. People like Mindy do not come around very often; when they do they are generally institutionalized. I love Mindy so much — she is like those legendary DJ’s in the early days of rock radio with an unerring sense of fun who played and said whatever they liked on air. Mindy is planning to play my fake High School Musical 4 track Follow Your Dreams on air a few times in the next week. This is because she is Absolutely Crazy. So listen for it! Her show is great.

As noted last year: Everything I write to you on every day except April 1st each year will be peppered with humor but rooted in truth. But you are all fair game on April 1st. And if you haven’t already, please do go enjoy two minutes of bliss as you listen to my fake High School Musical 4 song Follow Your Dreams — I dare you to find a lyrical or musical concept in this epic song that is not a made-for-TV teen movie cliché. If I may quote the song’s incredibly inspirational climactic lyric:

Don’t have to run,
Don’t have to hide the you that’s blossoming inside…
Just have to follow your dreams.

Now please do excuse me as I go get a tissue to wipe the tear blossoming in my eye….

Cheers and talk to you next month!

Yer buddy for life,

Doctor Noize

Super Spring Surprise Noizeletter!

Okay, let’s get straight to the rumors I have been denying to many of you for the last month…

1) Web Rumors & My Incredibly Sneaky Discipline!

Several of you web media savvy fans have been emailing me about the rumors that have been surrounding me and High School Musical 4 for the last few weeks. It has been very difficult for me, as I have a lot of trouble keeping my mouth shut about exciting news, but I have exercised my discipline for once and emailed you all back with the standard “those are just web rumors” denial emails. Well, I don’t need to practice restraint any more, as today I have just received word from my agent that I can make it official…

2) Doctor Noize Cast In High School Musical 4!

You read that right: I have officially been cast in High School Musical 4 as the rockin’ music teacher! This is big news for me and my so-called acting career. And no, I do not really consider myself an actor. So here’s how it happened: The daughter of one of the HSM4 producers is apparently a big Dr. Noize fan. She was 7 when The Ballad Of Phineas McBoof came out, heard Banana on XM Kids Radio, and convinced her dad to buy the CD. A few years later, she’s now approaching 10 and in the coveted “tween” years targeted by the High School Musical franchise. Anyway, the story goes that she said to her dad: “You should cast Dr. Noize as the rockin’ music teacher!”

It’s funny how our little ones can make a huge impact on our career decisions. The story at Disney is that — instead of the expected “that’s ridiculous” response — this young lady’s father immediately saw the brilliance, fun and dollar signs in her wild idea. The thinking was this: There are a lot of kids younger than 10 who are now Dr. Noize fans, thanks largely to XM and the expanded touring I’m doing. But like this producer’s daughter, they are getting older fast, and will form the core of the tween market for the upcoming High School Musical 4, 5 and 6 trilogy. And they would all get a nostalgic kick out of seeing Dr. Noize play the role of the school’s new rock and roll music teacher.

3) My Teaching Past Secures The Gig!

So here’s the funniestest thing (is funniestest a word?): The other HSM4 producers had barely heard of me and were concerned about casting a non-actor in the role. So they did some digging into my past, including my old Cory Cullinan website, and found out that it would basically not be acting for me: In my previous career I was, in fact, the rocking, award winning high school music teacher. So they said fine, bring this Noizy guy in for a screen test and just tell him to be himself, and we’ll see what we get. Rumors first started swirling when I had to cancel a show in Denver last month for a screen test in LA, which somebody mentioned in some obscure Hollywood blog that was promptly removed from the web. But I was absolutely certain I would not get the part, which is one of the many reasons why I was able to deny the rumors to all of you who contacted about them. And the funny thing is the producers said that is in large part why I got the part — apparently I was so loose and natural that I didn’t seem like I was acting, which of course I wasn’t. And to top it all off…

4) They Even Gave Me A Song!!!

In the first three High School Musical movies, none of the adults got a song. Only the kids. But I was given the opportunity to write a little song with the HSM4 composers for the music teacher to sing as long as it was under 2 minutes long — and it’s looking like the song and scene have made it into the final script! I’ve been given permission to release the demo we made of the song for a little viral marketing: It’s called Follow Your Dreams and here it is!

5) Madison From LA Is Noizemaker Of The Month!

Needless to say, the HSM4 producer’s little girl — Madison from Los Angeles — is Noizemaker Of The Month. And rumor has it that Maddie would like nothing more than to see Dr. Noize rocking out with Troy Bolton. So here’s a, um, brand new picture from my screen test… Everybody knows that Troy Bolton (played by Zac Efron) has graduated and will no longer be in high school for HSM 4-6. But I have one word for you that I have been given permission to float: cameo. That’s all I’m saying.

I’m excited because my girls love the High School Musical movies. Truth be told, I’m a fan too… The HSM movies have almost singlehandedly brought the movie musical back, and savvy listeners have noticed that my Dr. Noize recordings (The Ballad of Phineas McBoof and its upcoming sequel, The Return Of Phineas McBoof ) are actually more like works of musical theater than rock albums. But fear not… Doctor Noize will continue on as before, although I may have to take some time off touring during the year for HSM4 concerts and events. But that’s not so bad, right? I hope you’re as excited as I am and sorry I had to wait so long to confirm the news!

Love yer buddy for life,

Doctor Noize

P.S. Don’t worry, there won’t be any questionable teacher/student dynamics in this movie like in “Mr. Holland’s Opus.” Yuck!
P.P.S. To remove yourself from this mailing list, respond with the words “Troy Bolton Ain’t My Bag, Baby.”